I don't understand what God created me for, or why I came into this world. It would have been better for me had he not made me, that I would have been spared from the bad side of this life.
The above are thoughts that I thought every day as I had been going through a bad patch and was bitter. I had been born with a birth defect of my thyroid gland that mimicked mental illnesses. Eventually, I got the treatment I needed at the Johns Hopkins Hospital back when I was 26. I felt misunderstood, frustrated, and bitter. I felt that my life was a mistake, an error.
It had been this way for a long time, actually until this morning, me, at age 65. Then this morning, I saw the light. I did something new. I made a decision. Since I had already decided that I would adopt God's perception of me as my own self-perception.
As I had already engaged God for rejecting the spirit of rejection and self-rejection, I decided to do the same with my life's purpose and I did, as I will now tell.
I went before the throne of God in prayer. I said, let my perception of my life's purpose, I told God in prayer, reflect your perfect will for me. Let my definition of my life's reason be determined by your purpose for me, what you will for my life, let that be then the definition of what my life means. Then I remembered a verse by Jesus. It is that I can do nothing apart from Jesus Christ. He is the vine and I am the branch. So, not even defining my life and what it means is something that I can do apart from Jesus' participation in it.
This is what it means to put God first in all that I do. I can do nothing for myself apart from God. I don't need proud achievements to gloat about. If God wills me to do many little good things as a way to glorify Him and bless other people, let that be my purpose whether that is what I am to do for all the days of my life, or for a while only, until something else is in store for me, let me embrace that as my purpose then.
The important thing about all this is that I am not the only one who has the burden, this yoke, this existential vacuum. Others have this too. Let others learn of my example so that their lives have meaning and purpose. Let the relationship between God and each of them give them and their lives the meaning and definition they need their lives to have. He opened up my life from a life that I thought meant nothing to a fulfilled, and meaningful life. God makes all the difference. Don't go off on your own and try to define your life without putting God first. DON'
T listen to your ego, it will mislead your mind. Seek God first, his kingdom, his righteousness. Let those Godly treasures define your life.
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